Am I Obsessed With Being Productive?
Being self-aware is important, to me at least. It lets me be honest with myself. It’s my belief that being self-aware and honest with yourself leads to a lot of great outcomes. It opens the door to understanding what’s truly important, and what isn’t. What I currently like about my life, and what I don’t.
This self-awareness led me to thinking about how I spend my time. And how I judge each day by whether or not it was “productive.”
If I had to decide if this were a good or bad thing, I’d say good. But, I can’t deny the downsides.
As someone who works a full-time day job in marketing and communications, it’s hard for me to have an unproductive day at work. I constantly have new things added to my workload, and pride myself on being focused and dedicated. Some days are more productive than others, but it’s very rare when a work day isn’t productive.
Work doesn’t factor into my personal feelings on whether my day was productive or not. That is solely based on what I do outside the office.
Did I write enough?
How much time did I spend reading?
Sure, I went to the gym, but I do that most days. Does it really count as being productive?
These are the thoughts I have most nights. I judge how I spend my free time. Time that I can “waste” by watching a movie, YouTube videos, or playing a video game. Or, time spent doing things that advance me towards my goals in life, or help me learn something new.
This is not to say I’m working during all my free time. Or that I go to bed every night thinking I spent my time wisely. This is to say I’ve begun categorizing my time, and specific activities, as good or bad. It’s more of a mindset than a reflection of my actions.
I’m putting pressure on myself for better or worse. Sure, this has led to positive outcomes and things I’m proud of. But it’s also led to feelings of guilt for doing something unproductive, even if I enjoyed it. One of the clear negatives to thinking like this. Even if I enjoy what I’m doing, I could still consider it a waste of time.
But how does one find the right balance between enjoying down time and working towards their goals?
I’m sorry, I don’t have the answer for you. I mean life is complex.
For me, finding that right balance, is putting more thought into how I’m feeling at each moment. It’s also calling myself out on whether I’m feeling lazy and should do something productive, or if I’m worn out and legitimately need to relax.
I’m aware that the actual “doing” of whatever productive thing that’s on my mind isn’t that hard. Sitting down and opening Google Docs isn’t hard. Opening a book and lying on my couch isn’t hard.
For me, it’s making the decision, and being ok with that decision, that’s the hard part. It’s allowing myself to take a day off and not judge myself for being unproductive. Or, it’s not forcing myself to write for a couple hours when I had an especially tough or stressful day at work.
There are legitimate reasons to relax and just have fun. Doing so is not “unproductive,” even though that’s how I currently think about it. I’m working on changing that mindset because I’m well aware that people perform better when they’re happy and rested.
But knowing and doing are two very different things. Especially when it comes to my own life. It’s easy telling others to take a breath and that they’ve earned a break. But I hold myself to higher standards than I hold others. As I should.
But, maybe it’s time I realize I’m not as kind to myself as I am to others.
